I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
