im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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