I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
