So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
