She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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