Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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