I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
