Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
