So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
