Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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