You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
