our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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