She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
