sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
