Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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