you would pick up someone in the library
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
organizing the empties. That sober.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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