You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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