I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize