You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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