I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
