I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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