did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
