I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
