Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
