Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
