Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
