The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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