my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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