May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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