I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I lost the right to judge tonight
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
