it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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