***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
