Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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