Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
