whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
