did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
