Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
