This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize