i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
