yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
