I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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