ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Who died my cat blue again?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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