Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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