we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
