i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
