Your mouth is God's brothel.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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