she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
40s are totally the cure
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
