I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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