Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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