I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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