I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
