At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
