If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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