whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
