Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize