How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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