going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How naked do you want me to be?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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