oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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