Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
