ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
