Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
