im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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