i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
