I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
