dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
