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My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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