Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
where does the pee come out of this thing
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
