3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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