my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
