There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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