The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
