I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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