Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She bit a glass in half.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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