ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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