Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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