dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
