mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
