Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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