How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
