How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
