The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
