In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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