I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My feet surprised me
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