my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
