6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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