She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Enjoy the penises
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
