I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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