make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
