His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
