Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Non-Jews are for practice
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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