I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
