bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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