I faked an abortion last night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
