The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Couch. On fire.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
