His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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