If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
