Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
