And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
