as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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