i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
